I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
