Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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