I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
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