R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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