I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
