watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
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