you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
