it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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