Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
