College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
I wear drunk well.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
