3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
