remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
