ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
