I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
and you fell through a lawn chair
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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