I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
