i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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