Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Randomize
