this will be a night to untag.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Randomize
