wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
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