I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
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