We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
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