I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
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