Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
