hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
