I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
