Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I am available for nakedness
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
