when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Walk of Shame today included voting.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Randomize
