the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
