You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize