If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize
