Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
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