I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
