my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
vagina is talking i cant
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Randomize