I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Randomize
