the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
