is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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