Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
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