And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Randomize
