True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Randomize
