i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
