I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
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