I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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