i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
