my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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