I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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