Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
