LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
