Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
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