Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Randomize
