no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Randomize
