I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
