I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
