...so i touched it.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
Randomize
