you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
