i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
he puts the penis in happiness.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
