and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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