Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
