I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
