i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Randomize
