Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
