you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
