May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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