I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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