I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Randomize
